The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten up all our days with their amazing quick wit, and we celebrate it and we love it!
Scroll your way through this week’s great tweets from women below, and enjoy!
Every time I miss two hours of news, I fear they’ve committed 80,000 more crimes, pears are now taxed at 400% and we’re never speaking to Hawaii again.
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) October 4, 2019
We feel just the same about news, don’t you?
One minute you’re young & carefree, and the next, you’re googling “what is a VSCO girl?” and still not understanding it.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 3, 2019
We still don’t know!
My signature party dish is “The One I Realized I Totally Forgot To Put Out After The Guests Were Gone.”
— SpacedMom (@copymama) September 29, 2019
Come on ladies, we’ve all done it, right?
MY LYFT DRIVER IS RAPPING DO I CLAP OR WHAT
— Kendra Alvey’s cute and creepy ghost (@Kendragarden) October 4, 2019
We think definitely clap…
in the 1980’s our moms were literally always on the phone with someone what tf were they always talking about, magnum p.i.? shoulder pads ?
— pony (@tigersgoroooar) September 28, 2019
Even if we agreed, we are not old enough to remember right?
obsessed with whatever tax bracket it is where Adult bathrooms are beach themed and then kids bathrooms are more specifically fish themed
— helena (@freshhel) September 30, 2019
Say that again??
Love to prep for a social evening by being extremely alone all day
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) September 29, 2019
Well, that’s our excuse, and we are sticking to it, you too?
I’ve never been held hostage, but I have gotten trapped in my own sports bra while getting undressed.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) September 28, 2019
We are not ashamed to say that we know this feeling better than most!
I’m so glad TV is back. Summer was long. I got so bored I almost rekindled a friendship.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) September 29, 2019
Strict parents Cats
“No closed doors in MY house.”
— N is for Nicole, Who Fell Off a Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) October 3, 2019
Haha, ok very funny!
you know what time it is pic.twitter.com/NSBtrzqTbj
— ziwe (@ziwe) October 1, 2019
Siri, I mean OK google, what is the time?
me: i am overwhelmed, dying, too many tasks, help, what can be done, will i live this way forever
after replying to one email: magnificent, what a powerful work horse, can’t be stopped, time to celebrate with a beer, reward this titan of industry
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) September 29, 2019
A beer you say? maybe a glass of wine?
swiping through people i will never date on Tinder vs. looking up apartments i will never afford on zillow pic.twitter.com/XdnddloByP
— Thrill Creepswell 🎃 (@capeybara) October 1, 2019
Well what’s wrong with that? We are human after all…
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that when you’re looking at your phone next to someone who’s sleeping, you will inadvertently click on a video
— Mave (@MavenofHonor) October 2, 2019
Again, no comment!
time to massage some oil into my face and hope everything works out
— pascalle (@frenchielaboozi) September 29, 2019
We’re up for that, let’s do it…
please present the signed permission slip from your therapist before approaching me romantically
— mary beth barone (@marybethbarone) October 3, 2019
Yep, and a large non-returnable deposit too.
I’ve never wanted to know the answer to anything bad enough to ask a question at the end of a meeting that’s running 15 minutes over time.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) October 1, 2019
Me on October 1st, patiently waiting for Halloween pic.twitter.com/cFRK8CDtlg
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) October 1, 2019
Awww so cute!
Very disappointed to learn that ‘malingering’ does not mean ‘bad at hanging around’
— Kristin (@FeralCrone) September 30, 2019
I’m sorry I can’t respond to your work email. I’ve taken my bra off for the night.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) October 4, 2019
That’s it for now folks… Subscribe for more great content!