Dear Adena: I’m pregnant, 45, and can’t stop worrying!


Dear Adena, At this stage in my pregnancy I’m six months in and I’m 45 years old…

It really was a big deal and a shock for me and my hubby, although we didn’t use contraception, still it was a pretty big shock to us.

We really were convinced that we were just too old to be worried about getting pregnant and conceive naturally, but how wrong were we!

As it goes we have been making love for many years without contraception, and since the youngest of our children was born, well, I’ve not been pregnant since.

We have two children that are teenagers, a boy who is 13 years old and a girl who is 15, and I was definitely not planning another.

A few years back, as my son started secondary school I started working full time again, and my life is pretty much how I want it to be, I’m happy.

Thankfully I was told that the baby is really healthy and all is how it should be, that really is a huge relief to me, but I’m still petrified about the whole thing.

I’m quite concerned about the birth and how things will be afterward, about when this little one starts school I will be in my 50s, my worry list is growing by the minute.

My hubby is pretty shocked too, but happy of course, he is far more philosophical than me. He just tells me that we’ll get through it our own way and that we’ve done it all before, but I keep waking up in a cold sweaty panic.

Is there some advice or something you can say to make me feel a little better?

Adena replies:

Yea, I completely feel your pain and anxiety, like taking a trip back to your first pregnancy all over again, all those fears, after all, it’s been a long time since you had a baby, it’s normal to feel like this!

I think that all your concerns are quite normal and very natural, but you should talk more about them with your doctor and midwife, just tell them how you’re feeling, they can really reassure you too.

Once you talk about these feelings they will seem to have almost resolved themselves, you will be surprised in a good way, the worry will simply melt away, remember the power of sharing a worry.

About being a little older; many women, largely with thanks to fertility treatments, are having children older and older, in their 40s and it’s getting to be more commonplace.

So really, in essence, I’m saying that by the time your baby starts school you won’t really stand out at all, you might well not even be the oldest mom at all, some moms even a couple of years older than you.

This is wonderful news that your bringing a sweet and precious life into the world, be a proud mom, you certainly beat the odds! So next time you make love again, take precautions.

Don’t forget your older kids are now at an age where they can help you out, but at the very least do things for themselves and let you deal with the baby and do what you need to do.

Family can be really supportive, and I’m sure they will be too, and your hubby, best of luck but I think you won’t need any luck at all.